Tips to Arrive to a Peaceful Home
Honey, I’m home! Learn how to have stress-free homecomings every day.
Honey, I’m home! Learn how to have stress-free homecomings every day.
 BigStockPhoto Learn to control these balls of energy so home is a place you look forward to every day. |
When families come together at the end of a work day, children usually want attention and interaction while adults need down time. This often presents a conflict of needs. Instead of being a sweet Hallmark moment, stress levels collide, self-preservation kicks in, everyone tries to get their own needs met and everyone can end up frustrated and exhausted.
Has this ever happened in your house?
It’s been a long day. Your spouse is now home with the children and you are on the way. The kids are chomping at the bit for dinner and play time with the two of you, whom they haven’t seen all day—you would like nothing more than to decompress from a busy day as you anxiously await the time when you and your spouse can trade off responsibilities. As your partner enters the door, the children make a mad dash to excitedly tackle legs. They stick there like glue, as your spouse dangles and drags them to greet you.
While homecomings like this can reassure us that we are loved, missed and appreciated, they can also be stressful. Everyone in the family is full of energy and needs to transition into a calmer, more relaxed state so everyone can spend good quality time together, rest from one busy day and replenish their energy for the next.
Homecomings can be a smooth transition if you plan ahead. Here are four simple ways you and your spouse can help each other out:
1. Like a Jedi, control energy. Help your children channel their energy that builds up in anticipation of your spouse’s arrival so they don’t get bombarded at the door. Let children run or play to blow off some steam first. If your spouse will arrive late, have the children do a quiet activity, such as a drawing or craft to present your spouse when they get home.
2. Mentally prepare yourself. Parents who are coming home from work will benefit from giving themselves some transition time before walking in the door. This could involve stopping a few blocks from home, taking some deep breaths, listening to a few songs on the radio or stopping at a park to walk. The time should be long enough to calm down without delaying the arrival more than about 15 minutes.
3. Be a good teammate. Discuss homecoming plans with your spouse and come up with a plan for making it a smooth transition for all. If both of you need a break, decide when that trade-off can occur. Figure out how long the children can reasonably wait so you can have a bit of private transition time. Often, if you and your spouse can spend 5-15 minutes with the children first, then the children are often willing to let both of you have a bit of down time before more parent play. Giving that short time to children is especially helpful if children are young and don’t understand time or have a hard time waiting.
4. Create a family transition. Sometimes it’s helpful to combine transition activities by taking a walk together soon after the homecoming. This channels the children’s energy and gives you and your spouse some transition time.
If you do all this on a regular basis and there has to be an occasional exception, both of you will handle the exceptions better than if he or she is hit at the door with this energy blast every day. By being open and honest about what you need, listening to the needs of your partner and considering the needs of the children, you can schedule your homecomings so everyone gets their needs met. You each may need to take turns, but ultimately you each will get some relaxation and recharge time and homecomings can be a time you look forward to each day.
Jody Johnston Pawel, LSW, CFLE is a second-generation parent educator and president of Parent’s Toolshop Consulting. She is the author of 100+ resources for parents and family service professionals, including her award-winning book, "The Parent's Toolshop," at www.ParentsToolshop.com. Since 1980, Jody has trained parents and professionals through her dynamic presentations and served as an internationally recognized parenting expert to the media worldwide. Get practical parenting resources, including more information about this topic at: http://www.parentstoolshop.com/tele/telearchive.htm.
Has this ever happened in your house?
It’s been a long day. Your spouse is now home with the children and you are on the way. The kids are chomping at the bit for dinner and play time with the two of you, whom they haven’t seen all day—you would like nothing more than to decompress from a busy day as you anxiously await the time when you and your spouse can trade off responsibilities. As your partner enters the door, the children make a mad dash to excitedly tackle legs. They stick there like glue, as your spouse dangles and drags them to greet you.
While homecomings like this can reassure us that we are loved, missed and appreciated, they can also be stressful. Everyone in the family is full of energy and needs to transition into a calmer, more relaxed state so everyone can spend good quality time together, rest from one busy day and replenish their energy for the next.
Homecomings can be a smooth transition if you plan ahead. Here are four simple ways you and your spouse can help each other out:
1. Like a Jedi, control energy. Help your children channel their energy that builds up in anticipation of your spouse’s arrival so they don’t get bombarded at the door. Let children run or play to blow off some steam first. If your spouse will arrive late, have the children do a quiet activity, such as a drawing or craft to present your spouse when they get home.
2. Mentally prepare yourself. Parents who are coming home from work will benefit from giving themselves some transition time before walking in the door. This could involve stopping a few blocks from home, taking some deep breaths, listening to a few songs on the radio or stopping at a park to walk. The time should be long enough to calm down without delaying the arrival more than about 15 minutes.
3. Be a good teammate. Discuss homecoming plans with your spouse and come up with a plan for making it a smooth transition for all. If both of you need a break, decide when that trade-off can occur. Figure out how long the children can reasonably wait so you can have a bit of private transition time. Often, if you and your spouse can spend 5-15 minutes with the children first, then the children are often willing to let both of you have a bit of down time before more parent play. Giving that short time to children is especially helpful if children are young and don’t understand time or have a hard time waiting.
4. Create a family transition. Sometimes it’s helpful to combine transition activities by taking a walk together soon after the homecoming. This channels the children’s energy and gives you and your spouse some transition time.
If you do all this on a regular basis and there has to be an occasional exception, both of you will handle the exceptions better than if he or she is hit at the door with this energy blast every day. By being open and honest about what you need, listening to the needs of your partner and considering the needs of the children, you can schedule your homecomings so everyone gets their needs met. You each may need to take turns, but ultimately you each will get some relaxation and recharge time and homecomings can be a time you look forward to each day.
Jody Johnston Pawel, LSW, CFLE is a second-generation parent educator and president of Parent’s Toolshop Consulting. She is the author of 100+ resources for parents and family service professionals, including her award-winning book, "The Parent's Toolshop," at www.ParentsToolshop.com. Since 1980, Jody has trained parents and professionals through her dynamic presentations and served as an internationally recognized parenting expert to the media worldwide. Get practical parenting resources, including more information about this topic at: http://www.parentstoolshop.com/tele/telearchive.htm.
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